One of the baristas at a nearby Starbucks makes me lose my mind every time I’m working there by saying things that are not outside the spectrum of normal human words but are just slightly off-the-wall.
Barista: Welcome to Starbucks, home of delicious, what deliciousness can I put in motion for you today?
Customer: … Can I get a trenta pink drink please?
Barista: Go big or go home, we here at Starbucks appreciate your commitment, what else can I get started for you?
***
Customer: Nitro cold brew with shots of espresso please.
Barista: Brave of you to commit to staying awake for three days, anything else today?
***
Barista: *slams open drive-thru window* HI HOW ARE YOU?
Customer: …I’m pretty good.
Barista: Are you ready to be even better? Because you’re about to be. *hands them their coffee*
***
Barista, realizing that a drink was made wrong: *slams open window* SO how do you feel about surprises?
Customer: ….they’re okay.
Barista: Great because I’m about to give you one.
***
Barista: You have two drinks so I am going to hand you two straws which means, FANTASTIC news, these straws double as drumsticks. / You have one drink so I am going to hand you one straw and, promise not to tell anyone, this straw doubles as a magic wand.
***
Barista: Here are those cake pops, I plucked them fresh from the tree myself.
***
Barista: *slams open window, holding drink* Amazing, fantastic, delicious, you are a very lucky man/woman!
***
Barista, realizing drink is being delayed or remade: Looks like it’s gonna be just one minute so they have time to put the extra love in.
***
Barista: I’ll be with you in one hot second. *beat* WOW that second sure was hot!
Anyway she has a few dozen catchphrases she rotates appropriately and it’s both distracting and fantastic to listen.
She sounds like a fuckin riot and I want to tell her she’s doing amazing
When your parents come home drunk in a snow storm and your dad drunkenly stumbles on your front steps and all three kids would rather starve than go downstairs than deal with angry/drunk parents until they go to bed…
It leads to all three kids in the kitchen at 10 pm drinking themselves while they eat and bitch about you
Long Story:
Little bro shoveled for 2 hours while parents went to my great uncle’s to pick up a TV during a blizzard. I didn’t know he was doing that, otherwise, I would have gone to help.
Little sister and I later go out to shovel, brush off cars, and move them and parents STILL aren’t home.
LS and I decide “Yo, LB, it’s way too cold and futile to shovel this. The snow piles right back on to where it gets shoveled and, well, it’s no use atm”
Mom and Dad don’t come home until, like, 630. Dad slips and falls and hurts himself. Mom yells about us not shoveling and proceeded to try to shovel as dad limps up the stairs to their room.
There wasn’t any text or message about them coming home. We had no idea when they’d be home.
LS checks Ring. Dad actually drunkenly stumbled on the front steps, NOT slipped on the snow. The three of us watched multiple times and came to the same conclusion.
I’m glad they got home safely, but gdi they shouldn’t have been out in the first place
